ESPN’s Midseason Awards Disaster

As promised, a piece of shit brilliant article by Jayson Stark of ESPN on his picks for the midseason awards. Oh yipee! Let’s get into it.

The All-Star break of another mesmerizing baseball season is upon us. And once again, I know what you’re thinking:

How come nobody has thrown a no-hitter in the past 10 minutes?

Has Aaron Hill done enough cycling lately to qualify for the Tour de France? ?

And, of course, is it true that wacky home run colossus in Miami also eats spiders, repels hurricanes and once had to be forcibly restrained from trying to sneak over to LeBron’s house?

OK, so it’s possible you weren’t thinking about any of those important questions. But whatever. It’s time again for my annual Midseason Awards Extravaganza.

ha. ha. ha. You are simply too much of a comedian for this gig Mr. Stark. Bravo.

NL MVP OF THE HALF-YEAR

Andrew McCutchen, Pirates

I can’t believe I’m not casting this vote for Joey Votto — a man with a shot to become the first NL player in the past 10 years not named Barry Bonds or Albert Pujols to have an 1.100 OPS 

Hard to argue with McCutchen…IF there wasn’t a man name Joey Votto in the way. Oh what’s that? You even mentioned that YOU CANT BELIEVE A MAN WHO HAS A 1.100 OPS is not your vote. Let’s get real here…

McCutchen

.411 OBP, .605 SLG, 8.3 BB%, 18.3 K%, 4.2 WAR, .404 BABIP

Votto

.459 OBP, .620 SLG, 17.9 BB%, 17.9 K%, 4.9 WAR, .407 BABIP

It’s pretty obvious that while McCutchen has been nothing short of outstanding, Votto is the better player. I mean we’re talking about the man here who has NEVER even pulled a ball foul.  He has hit two infield pop ups in his career..but hasn’t had one since his second season in the league. 2008. Joey Votto is some sort of Sabermetrician’s wet dream. A player who is some sort of man beast. This man hits bombs, he gets on base almost half of his at bat’s, and he is a pretty darn good fielder.  

AL MVP OF THE HALF-YEAR

Mike Trout, Angels

In almost every way, this MVP race is a dead heat between Trout and Josh Hamilton. It’s Hamilton who leads the league in slugging, OPS, runs created and offensive winning percentage, not to mention your old-fashioned departments like home run ratio and RBIs. But it’s Trout who has been 2012’s biggest franchise-changer.

Not only did you just make my argument for me, but you even backed it up for me as well. Thanks! With relevant statistics too. You, Jayson Stark, are making my job terribly easy. Also can anyone tell me the Stat for “Franchise changer?” I think its something like (Heart+Hustle)/ (BA X Grit). Anyone help me out?

NL CY YOUNG OF THE HALF-YEAR

R.A. Dickey, Mets

Pretty hard to argue with a man who threw two 1 hitters in a row. good choice. It’s a crapshoot between Dickey, Cain, Mcdonald and maybe even Kershaw.

Cain- 2.7 WAR

Dickey- 3.2 WAR

McDonald-2.7

Kershaw-2.6

AL CY YOUNG OF THE HALF-YEAR

Justin Verlander, Tigers

Not a bad choice, also consider Peavy, Weaver, Chris Sale, and maybe King Felix

Verlander- 3.8

Peavy- 2.9

Weaver-2.6

Sale-3.5

Hernandez-3.0

NL ROOKIE OF THE HALF-YEAR

Bryce Harper, Nationals

Ummmm Wilin Rosario has been solid, Wade Miley is pretty hard to argue with, and I can definitely see Anthony Rizzo coming up big soon enough, he’s already off to a hot start. Harper will probably win based off reputation alone though.

 

AL ROOKIE OF THE HALF-YEAR

Mike Trout, Angels

HUGE SHOCKER HERE. Oh wait kidding. Trout is unbelievable.Look for Middlebrooks, Coespedes, and Yu Darvish to be top contenders as well.

 

MANAGERS OF THE HALF-YEAR

Clint Hurdle, Pirates, and Buck Showalter, Orioles

Clint Hurdle seems to be a decent enough choice but Buck Showalter isn’t exactly the AL manager of the year. His Orioles had a great start but in typical fashion have cooled off as of late.  How about Ron Washington? The Rangers are unbelievable this year.

 

Anyways there is a ton of more useless awards this guy gave out.  I’m getting bored of his half assed research.  Maybe one day I’ll make it through an article without vomiting due to the unprofessional research don by these guys. Who hires them anyways? The same guys who hired Anthony Federico, the infamous Chink in the Chain article writer? or maybe the guys who hired Sarah Phillips, the fake journalist who was cheating her way up the ESPN ladder?  Oh right, ESPN hired all of these people. great.

 

America

 

Bobcat Jeffries

 

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