B-Ham The Runnin’ Man

Clever title right?


Let’s chat about Billy Hamilton for a second.  This dude is unbelievable and apparently he’s all the rage around town right now.  Just creating hub bub wherever he goes.  This dude has 103 stolen bases right now through 80 games in AA. Wait, what?

That’s correct. Homie steals bases like it’s his job  nobody’s business.  I recently read an article that claims if him and Usain Bolt raced over the distance of a stolen base (about 67 feet after a nice lead) that Hamilton would actually be faster.  

One trick pony you ask? No way.  He is an OBP monster getting on base with a niiice little .413 notch.  149 RC+ makes this dude pretty damn unreal.  People are questioning whether or not he is the Reds SS of the future or if he’ll move to the outfield.  I propose this.  Why not prep him to take over Brandon Phillips at 2nd? Phillips has seen a solid drop off in production as he’s entering the end of his prime.  B-Ham is the man for the job.

This guy is no fluke.  He has seen a steady increase in production each year in the pro’s and has begun dominating every level it seems.  If you baseball-reference this dude, another famous base stealer comes up also named Billy Hamilton.  Except this Billy Hamilton is white…and played for the Boston Beaneaters from 1896-1901.  He also has a career 909 SB’s…coincidence? Not a chance, this is some conspiracy by Young Billy Hamilton’s parents, they knew from the moment he popped out the womb that this Young Buck was destined to swipe bases at an alarming rate.  Base Thievery is in his genes.

As a sabermetrician, this guy goes against most Sabermetric principles.  See, most of “us” don’t believe in the stolen base.  In my hybrid system though, I believe in the right situation and given a base thief has a history of better then 75% succes in base swipin’, then the risk is worth it.  Although with most guys I only believe in stealing bases if the game is tied.  Never play smallball from behind (he he he).  But that’s for another post.

I’m gonna cut myself off here because my boner for this guy is getting out of control.  New man crush? Image

As always kids, more posts to follow today



EDIT: Sweet, just pulled up the Yahoo homepage and guess who’s on the front? Hey just remember, you heard it here first.  I didn’t plagiarize no shit.  They plagiarized me. Get it straight fools.


ESPN’s Midseason Awards Disaster

As promised, a piece of shit brilliant article by Jayson Stark of ESPN on his picks for the midseason awards. Oh yipee! Let’s get into it.

The All-Star break of another mesmerizing baseball season is upon us. And once again, I know what you’re thinking:

How come nobody has thrown a no-hitter in the past 10 minutes?

Has Aaron Hill done enough cycling lately to qualify for the Tour de France? ?

And, of course, is it true that wacky home run colossus in Miami also eats spiders, repels hurricanes and once had to be forcibly restrained from trying to sneak over to LeBron’s house?

OK, so it’s possible you weren’t thinking about any of those important questions. But whatever. It’s time again for my annual Midseason Awards Extravaganza.

ha. ha. ha. You are simply too much of a comedian for this gig Mr. Stark. Bravo.


Andrew McCutchen, Pirates

I can’t believe I’m not casting this vote for Joey Votto — a man with a shot to become the first NL player in the past 10 years not named Barry Bonds or Albert Pujols to have an 1.100 OPS 

Hard to argue with McCutchen…IF there wasn’t a man name Joey Votto in the way. Oh what’s that? You even mentioned that YOU CANT BELIEVE A MAN WHO HAS A 1.100 OPS is not your vote. Let’s get real here…


.411 OBP, .605 SLG, 8.3 BB%, 18.3 K%, 4.2 WAR, .404 BABIP


.459 OBP, .620 SLG, 17.9 BB%, 17.9 K%, 4.9 WAR, .407 BABIP

It’s pretty obvious that while McCutchen has been nothing short of outstanding, Votto is the better player. I mean we’re talking about the man here who has NEVER even pulled a ball foul.  He has hit two infield pop ups in his career..but hasn’t had one since his second season in the league. 2008. Joey Votto is some sort of Sabermetrician’s wet dream. A player who is some sort of man beast. This man hits bombs, he gets on base almost half of his at bat’s, and he is a pretty darn good fielder.  


Mike Trout, Angels

In almost every way, this MVP race is a dead heat between Trout and Josh Hamilton. It’s Hamilton who leads the league in slugging, OPS, runs created and offensive winning percentage, not to mention your old-fashioned departments like home run ratio and RBIs. But it’s Trout who has been 2012’s biggest franchise-changer.

Not only did you just make my argument for me, but you even backed it up for me as well. Thanks! With relevant statistics too. You, Jayson Stark, are making my job terribly easy. Also can anyone tell me the Stat for “Franchise changer?” I think its something like (Heart+Hustle)/ (BA X Grit). Anyone help me out?


R.A. Dickey, Mets

Pretty hard to argue with a man who threw two 1 hitters in a row. good choice. It’s a crapshoot between Dickey, Cain, Mcdonald and maybe even Kershaw.

Cain- 2.7 WAR

Dickey- 3.2 WAR




Justin Verlander, Tigers

Not a bad choice, also consider Peavy, Weaver, Chris Sale, and maybe King Felix

Verlander- 3.8

Peavy- 2.9





Bryce Harper, Nationals

Ummmm Wilin Rosario has been solid, Wade Miley is pretty hard to argue with, and I can definitely see Anthony Rizzo coming up big soon enough, he’s already off to a hot start. Harper will probably win based off reputation alone though.



Mike Trout, Angels

HUGE SHOCKER HERE. Oh wait kidding. Trout is unbelievable.Look for Middlebrooks, Coespedes, and Yu Darvish to be top contenders as well.



Clint Hurdle, Pirates, and Buck Showalter, Orioles

Clint Hurdle seems to be a decent enough choice but Buck Showalter isn’t exactly the AL manager of the year. His Orioles had a great start but in typical fashion have cooled off as of late.  How about Ron Washington? The Rangers are unbelievable this year.


Anyways there is a ton of more useless awards this guy gave out.  I’m getting bored of his half assed research.  Maybe one day I’ll make it through an article without vomiting due to the unprofessional research don by these guys. Who hires them anyways? The same guys who hired Anthony Federico, the infamous Chink in the Chain article writer? or maybe the guys who hired Sarah Phillips, the fake journalist who was cheating her way up the ESPN ladder?  Oh right, ESPN hired all of these people. great.




Bobcat Jeffries


Dave Schoenfield, You Sir Are an Idiot

In homage to throwback FJM i will write this article in standard FJM fashion, writing what the article says, and breaking down each miserable statement.


ESPN’s Dave Schoenfield argues why Harper is an All Star despite him being elected based off of Mike Stanton’s injury.

Bryce Harper an All Star? Absolutely!

Yes please do try and justify this one, you jamoke.

What’s the news? That Bryce Harper is an All-Star after all. Sure, he may have taken the back entrance to make it into the All-Star Game.

Well you just proved your own point wrong by saying he “may have taken the back entrance..” Wait a second, there has to be a gay joke in there somewhere right?

It might seem premature. Harper is hitting .283 AVG/.355 OBP/.475 SLG, with eight steals and eight homers. That’s good, but is that an All-Star? I’ll argue that it is. 

Premature it is my fine sir. .283 average? This tells me nothing, I have no interest in BA. .355 OBP? okay thats solid. .475 SLG? Nothing to write mom home about.  8 steals is standard and 8 bombs is really average.  Im not sure how he can argue that these are All Star Numbers given that another rookie in Will Middlebrooks has better numbers in far less plate appearances (see my previous post) let alone the rest of the AL.

If you’re hitched to the notion of absolute, immutable standards it might seem contradictory that the roster’s made up of newly minted big leaguers at the same time that it’s honoring Chipper Jones in what has already been an injury-shortened final season for the future Hall of Famer. But that’s the All-Star Game in a nutshell: There is no absolute standard of who is and who isn’t an All-Star.

Uhhhhhhh. Hold on. Let’s see. You want the All Star game rosters to be made up of Old guys who got pity votes, and Young Bucks who aren’t really All Stars but are young and fun and the crowd loves them? So fuck Jose Bautista and his gazillion home runs. He’s 31, no one wants to see a guy in the middle/end prime of his career! Maybe if he was 5 years older! Yeah this makes tons of sense Dave.

Of yeah and there should be a standard of who’s an All Star. How about the guys with the best numbers..you Jabroni.

After all, Harper’s now the youngest position player to make it to the All-Star Game. Who did Harper, who turns 20 in October, take the honor from? That would be Twins catcher Butch Wynegar, in 1976, four months past his 20th birthday. Wynegar wasn’t an injury replacement or the token Twin (Rod Carew won the fan ballot at first base), and after hitting .294/.402/.426 at the break as a rookie, you can be generous and accept that Wynegar had earned an All-Star look as the third catcher behind Thurman Munson and Carlton Fisk. 

Maybe that’s a warning to Harper, because Wynegar’s career was a bit of letdown from there. If you actually remember Wynegar, you’re probably a Twins fan who had a long wait until 1987 ahead of you, or a Yankees fan who endured the dark days of the Boss-led ’80s. Either way, hats off to you for enduring. 

Wynegar had a pretty nasty .402 OBP a 3.8 WAR so he was actually pretty damn good in 1976. Also: Wynegar was a 2nd round pick.  Harper was the 1st pick overall.  I don’t think Bryce needs a warning from you, or to look to Butch Wynegar (how random, right?) as even a remote comparison of how he can turn out.  Besides the fact that Harper is a CF/ OF and has the arm of a cannon and the bat speed of a God… which Wynegar and his 10 HR career best clearly did not possess.

It’s also newsworthy that we’ve got a record five rookies in the All-Star Game, as Harper joinsWade Miley, Mike Trout, Yu Darvish and Oakland’s token, Ryan Cook, in Kansas City. Does that diminish the game any? Absolutely not. On some basic level it’s fun to see fresh faces. Is it unjust that Darvish is in and Jake Peavy is out? Of course it is. 

Im not sure why it’s “Oakland’s token” because if he plays that card then he’s have to say “Boston’s token, Big Papi”.  But I have to agree with that last sentence, Yu Darvish is not having a better year than Peavs. This is unjust!

That, in a nutshell, is why it’s worth throwing a parade right now this instant, now that Harper is going to be in the All-Star Game.

Im sorry what? Now we’re throwing parad’s for the game just because one NL rookie who doesn’t deserve to be there but is still highly entertaining to watch is going? That makes no sense.  No parades for the ASG. Just no.

Dave Schoenfield should stop writing, and he should have done it yesterday.